


That's It

by Wofflekins



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, M/M, OTP Feels, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-28 18:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3866140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wofflekins/pseuds/Wofflekins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin begins to feel the strain of sharing Brian and not receiving what he wants in return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That's It

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for language, really.  
> First QaF story I've written, but here it is. Might even write more! Also no beta so. ;-; Probably a lot of typos.  
> Timeline is shaky, but just imagine it wherever you want it to take place.

It was another one of those nights. The kind where you could cut the tension with a knife, it was that bad. Justin had been stewing all night, his patience running low each night they went to Babylon for the past _week_. Justin wasn’t picking up anyone, no he wasn’t in the mood for that lately. But did that stop Brian? No. When they went it wasn’t unusual for Justin to see Brian taking someone to the backroom. But on occasions he would still take the blond. Not that it mattered much to Justin.

But the night they were having, Brian was at his desk switching between writing notes down on a piece of paper and clicking away at his mouse. While Justin was trying to draw sketches for Rage; but the more he sat there in silence the more his thoughts were eating at him. And it seemed Brian could tell because the next moment he was asking, “You alright, sunshine?”

The nickname only made Justin sigh heavily, accidentally snapping his pencil’s lead once his hand began to shake. “I’m /fine/. I’ve just. Been thinking.”

“That’s not a good thing.” Brian commented, a teasing twist of his lips as he looked at his computer screen.

As Justin sat there at the counter, holding his hand and closing his eyes for fear he might begin crying, he shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about us.”

“Oh? And what about us?” Brian’s face went back to being rather blank, his focus seeming to be more on the computer monitor than the blond, but his ears were open to the conversation.

“What if we stopped going to Babylon to pick up guys? What if.. We just did stuff together, like a couple? With no tricks involved..”

“I don’t say we’re a couple for that exact reason. Why all the sudden change of heart? I thought you were happy with the way we do things; I still come home to you, that hasn’t changed.”

But as Justin listened to him, he opened his eyes (which had been watering) and stood from the bar stool. It was as if his level of patience was at it’s full capacity because in the next moment he broke. "Can't you for once say you love me!" Justin yelled, tears running down his face as he stared at the other. Hating the fact the brunet didn't move from his seat at his desk. And it made Justin want to scream and shout and cry to the god he believed in to have Brian show emotion, anything, to prove he cared. He felt as if he was boiling within a teapot and it was just a matter of time before he was going to whistle. "That you don't want me to go? That you would rather see me here with you than with anyone else?" No matter how hard Justin tried it fell on deaf ears. Because all Brian did was look at him, his lips twitching and almost in a frown.

  
By the sound of it, he was already whistling.  
  
"That's not who I am. So if you're expecting some grand _fucking_  confession, you're looking in the wrong place."   
  
The words only dug deeper inside Justin's heart as the blond stood there. Watching him as he tossed his hands up into the air. "Why? Why am I still here then?" His voice cracked as his mouth trembled. No matter how hard he tried to be strong, he kept breaking. Breaking the more he tried to talk to him and received nothing in return. Brian Kinney always seemed to be his breaking point. "I can't live here with someone that will never love me.. Never care whether I'm fucking someone else or not.. Never even consider me when it comes to love or romance.."  
  
"Then what the fuck are you still doing here?" And then Brian snapped. His blank facade breaking as he stood up from his chair. "You say you can't live here so leave. _Fucking leave_! I told you who I was the moment you came to me that night. I told you, if you want love go find a fucking girl to marry. Because I don't believe in that."   
  
"I thought you changed. I thought that you-"  
  
"Thought that I what? Loved you? Considered you my fucking _boyfriend_? People like me don't change! So why don't you grab your _shit_ , and get out of here."   
  
"So that's it.." Justin's tears eventually stopped as he stood there, arms hanging low as he stared at Brian. He couldn't believe it was actually happening, that after all this time Brian didn't love him. Didn't care that he was leaving. All the warnings he received from Debbie, Michael, Mel, Linz, _everyone_. They were right. Brian was only going to hurt him in the end.  
  
"Yeah. That's it.”


	2. That's Not Going to Change

It had only been a week since the falling out had happened, and since then Justin had been staying with Debbie. Someone he always knew he could rely on when times like these happened. He had appeared at her doorstep with just one duffle bag in his hand; not wanting to spend any extra time _there_. It was already late, the clock hitting the two am mark when they shared one last look before the blond walked out.

And by the time he was knocking on Debbie’s front door he was regretting it, knowing she was most likely asleep. But when she opened it, she was adjusting her robe as a saddened expression crossed her face. This wasn't the first time this had happened. She noticed the duffle bag. It didn't take much for her to usher him inside and letting him stay in Michael’s old room once more.

So with the week passing and Justin sharing what he felt and what had happened with Debbie and Vic over that time, Debbie tried to offer her two cents in while _trying_  to be sensitive for his feelings. Even offering to let him work at the diner if he was up to it, knowing they were always accepting employees. And as much as Justin wanted to decline, it was better to face his demons and begin to make some type of money while he lived with her. He wasn't going to mooch off her forever. However, he didn't realize how hard it would be, the fifth day apart and he was already wanting to go back to the other and resume their twisted relationship. But that was the day he began work at Liberty Diner. The day he slowly one by one saw the group he used to hang around with walk in and go to the booth. It seemed the only one to really look at him was Emmett, actually smiling sadly at him before giving Debs his order. Michael? Yeah it seemed he was taking Brian’s side, only glancing Justin now and then. And Ted was too busy explaining his current situation with work to notice the blond.

But that’s when _he_  showed up.

Brian Kinney making an appearance and stepping inside the diner. And when Justin saw him he just stared. His eyes glued to the brunet as said brunet turned his eyes right back at Justin. And for a moment, Justin was positive he saw a hint of surprise in Brian’s eyes. But before he could really tell, Brian only looked away and walked to the booth where his friend’s were, squeezing in beside Michael. Justin was sure he could hear Michael saying, along the lines of _“How could she let him work here?”_ To Brian and the other two.

Justin wanted to avoid them the rest of the day. Debbie continuously giving Justin sad smiles throughout the rest of the work day.

And that was only the fifth day away, his first day at the diner. Now? It being the seventh day since their separation and not even words exchanged since the break up. _If you could even call it that_ , Justin’s thoughts every time he thought of them “breaking up”. Now though, it was more of awkward glances and even more awkward conversations with the others if he had to take their order. Yet this morning, as Brian walked in and sat at the booth where everyone else was, Justin wanted to impale himself on something sharp. Because he was stuck taking his order now. And enduring whatever small talk Brian threw at him. As if everything Justin had said that night went in one ear and out the other.

“Hey, sunshine. Just give me eggs sunny side up. But make sure you hold off on the spit.” As Brian spoke there was a slight smile on his face, as if he was _teasing_  the other. As if everything was normal. As if he wasn't hurt or in pain for what went down that night.

But all Justin could do was look at him, eyes squinting as he wrote down his order. “Anything else?”

If there was anymore words shared between the two it was going to be rigid. Emmett and Ted sharing a look of, _“Awkward much?”_ as Brian mentioned coffee. Actually being condescending and specifying how he liked his coffee. As if Justin didn't know by now.

“I know how you like it.” The blond’s voice raised a bit as he gripped tightly onto his pen. His patience running low as he walked off and placed the order for the group. Moving onto getting the man he wanted to strangle yet love all at the time, his coffee.

Brian simply touched at his tie as he turned his attention to his friends, eyebrows raising. “What? Not like this hasn't happened before.” He rolled his eyes as he looked away from them and began scanning the diner for something more interesting. By the looks they were giving him, Emmett and Ted especially, he wanted to block them out.

But Emmett wasn't having it, “So are you expecting him to come crawling back to you too?”

Brian instantly regretted saying anything about it as he heard what Emmett asked. Because now he was stuck wasn't he? As if Justin was always saving his ass, even now, he walked up holding a tray; sparing Brian unintentionally the need to explain himself. He began setting down plates and cups before sharing one look with Brian. And then looking at the others.

Emmett only smiled at Justin, nodding, “Thank you, sweetie. You know, you should come to Babylon with us tonight. I can say, that it hasn't been the same without you.” And because of that statement, Honeycutt received a kick from underneath the table from a certain black haired male. Michael eyeing him with a, _“What the hell are you thinking?”_ face. 

With a sigh, the blond shrugged. He didn't want to be in that scene anymore, not if he had to see Brian taking some drooling man to the backroom. But to make matters worse, Brian spoke up, “Yeah, why don’t you? Maybe you can even find a boyfriend there.” And there goes the rather patronizing chuckle that slipped through his lips. Michael rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head at what Emmett started.

Hearing him say that, practically throwing it in his face made Justin frown and look Brian dead in the eyes. “I’m going to be there. And you being a shit isn't going to make me change my mind.” 

So what did Justin do that night? Well, he made sure to dress as hot as he could to show to Brian that he was done. What they had was over. Despite the complete opposite he felt inside. Debbie only shaking her head at him when he was leaving. He could still remember the lecture she gave him. And boy did he wish he listened to it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review telling me what you think! I'm still working on where I want this to go, but don't worry. They won't be separated too long. (Chapter wise)


	3. This Is Where He Belongs

His day was uneventful after the very _awkward_ breakfast at the diner. He worked, successfully got two companies on his side, and now had two campaigns he needed to work on once he had more time. But after he went home, figuring out his outfit for the night to come at Babylon, he received a call from Lindsay. Not someone he was expecting to call him, unless of course..

“If you’re calling to bite my head off, please don’t. I already have a pretty bad headache.” He spoke, sarcasm filling his tone as he looked at himself in the mirror; phone pressed against his ear by his shoulder.

“Justin came to see us. He was talking about you.” Lindsay spoke with her usual calm voice, because at the moment she was calm, despite what she wanted to talk to Brian about. She always felt like it was talking to a wall when it came to his feelings, especially about the blond, but tonight was no different. Tonight she wanted Brian to know what Justin and her talked about. To maybe make him break down those walls just once.

“Oh, did he? I’m flattered. What was he saying, he hates my guts? You know, talking about someone when they aren't there is rude.” But as if Brian cared, he was more worried on figuring out which shirt he was going to wear. “Black or color?”

At the second question Lindsay was rather confused, he was talking to her, right? Ignoring it she continued with what she was saying. “No, quite the opposite actually. He was saying how much he still loved you. How much he wanted _you_ to love him back..” She paused, “Color. For whatever you’re deciding over there.”

Brian took a red shirt out, eyebrows raising as he looked it over. _Maybe_. “Was he? Well that’s ridiculous.” He scoffed as he looked at his drawers. “I’m picking a shirt out for Babylon.”

“Is it ridiculous because you might actually love him? And Babylon? Jesus Christ, Brian.”

“Wow, Dr. Phil, I feel I need to pay you for this therapy session.” What better way to avoid her questions then to make jokes?  

A sigh could be heard from Lindsay as she began to busy herself by picking up toys left around from Gus. Large Lego bricks for the most part. She knew this conversation would go nowhere, they usually did when it came to Justin. “Well, I hope you have fun at Babylon. Despite what you’re losing the longer you wait.”

“Longer I wait? I’m not waiting for anything. I've never loved him, and if he thinks I’m going to say I do, or think that we’re going to be married and happy together he’s out of his mind.” Brian said, a frown on his face as he put his phone on speaker before tossing it onto the bed. Changing his shirt then. “He’s asking to be hurt by following me around.”

“Following you around? I sincerely doubt he’s following you. He told me Emmett invited him, and knowing Justin he’s not petty enough to decline him because of you. You know, I think the biggest thing you have is your ego and arrogance.”

“The biggest thing on me is my dick. Look, if we’re done with this, I really need to get ready.” He said, buttoning up his shirt before grabbing the phone. “And I better not hear from the other muncher after this.” The brunet rolled his eyes, despite her not being able to see it.

But Lindsay only sighed and rubbed at her temple, “No, I’ll make sure she doesn't call you.. I swear the only mature person I deal with is Gus. Have..Fun, I suppose.”

And with a quick exchange of goodbyes, they hung up.

Arriving at Babylon it seemed like a normal night, he went up to the bar where the gang was and ordered a beer as he listened to what Michael had to say about the comic shop. But he was mostly zoning him out as he looked around, wanting to ask where Justin was but instead just keeping his eyes roaming the many different men. Then he realized it, _he was looking for Justin._ Not for his next of prey, no, he was looking specifically for the blond. With a quick gulp of his beer he stood straighter against the bar as he glanced at the other’s beside him. Until he noticed Emmett walking past him to hug someone, the blond he had been looking for. Emmett was smiling before he pulled back from the blond and raised his eyebrows at Justin, “You look great, sweetie!” He leaned in to say something into Justin’s ear before pulling back and winking. Brian couldn't help himself when he stared, watching them as he drank from his bottle.

But Justin simply laughed at what Emmett said as he looked at Brian and walked up to him. “You know, it’s rude to stare.”

Brian scoffed as he looked at the other’s appearance, then squinting his eyes as he stopped at the shirt. “Don’t be a twat.” He paused, “Is that my shirt?”

The shirt Justin was wearing happened to be Brian’s yes, but it had been so long since Brian wore it Justin didn't think he’d notice. The shirt he stole was the one he wore when he was first living with Brian, all those years ago, dancing in it and nearly getting his head bitten off when Brian told him to take it off.

Oh, the memories.

“It fits better now.” It seemed they were having a stare off before Emmett handed a vodka shot into Justin’s hand. Only then did Justin turn his gaze away from Brian to Emmett. “Thanks, Em.” And once he drank the glass he set it on the bar counter and looked around.

Michael scratched at his head as he watched everything that transpired. Trading rather confused looks with Ted. The thought that kept running through his head was mostly, _What the fuck is happening?_ But by the looks of it, Ted was on the same mental pattern as him. With what went on between Brian and Justin just now it was.. Awkward. And tense. Very tense.

Justin waved to them, barely spending extra time there before he was walking more into the crowd and proceeding to dance with someone who was already interested in him. And boy did Brian watch, able to pinpoint where Justin was exactly in the crowd and just keeping his eyes on him as he drank. Ted began to chuckle then, “He seems to have moved on quickly, Bri.”

Michael slapped Ted’s arm before patting Brian on the shoulder, “Doesn't matter. You’ll find someone else.” As much as it actually hurt Michael to say that, because damn did this kid actually become close to Brian, he knew it would be better for Brian _and_ Justin for them to just be over.

As if Brian wasn't paying attention he simply set the now empty bottle on the counter and waved to the bartender for another. Hearing Michael’s nagging voice, _“Are you even listening to me?”_ But Brian didn't answer him, simply drinking from his fresh bottle and turning around once more to try to find the blond. But he was gone. No matter how hard his eyes scanned each head and face he couldn't spot him anywhere. And he was sure that was when he felt it, the sinking feeling in his chest and stomach. Taking one last chug and setting it on the counter he simply walked off, hearing his friends all say something along the lines of, “Rude, asshole.” But all he did was walk, as if his brain on autopilot to go to the backroom. And what he saw he was positive it completely lowered his sexual drive, which for the backroom that just didn't happen. But he saw him, his sunshine behind another man. The man had to have been Brian’s height, hair dark, but there he was. Watching them go at it. His face looked blank, but his lips twitched a bit as they almost formed into a frown. Was this jealousy? Was that what he was feeling? Because the more he watched them the more he wanted to tear Justin off the other and take him home.

_Home._

Because that’s where Justin belonged, wasn't it?

It wasn't long before he was guided elsewhere by another man, eyes going half lidded as he was pressed against the wall and the man lowered himself to his knees.

All Brian could think about was Justin. And how maybe he was affected by this more than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review! Not sure exactly how to end this, but I'll try to have the next chapter up soon.


	4. This Can't Be It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So sorry for the wait but here it is! Hope you enjoy it. Chapter five might be the last one, not quite sure yet let me know if you don't want this to end quite yet?   
> Also I do want to note that this chapter was a bit rushed, I really just wanted to get something to you guys. But I hope you're happy with it at least.

The day after Babylon Justin was awoken to the sounds of Debbie's voice yelling, "Wake up, sunshine! Breakfast is almost ready!" So with a throbbing headache and a heavy feeling of _guilt_ , he got up from his bed and got dressed before heading to the bathroom to freshen up. Once he finished he walked downstairs with a sigh, itching at his head as he sat at the table with Debbie. There were eggs and bacon, along with a side of two pain pills beside a glass of water. Debbie’s face had a bit of disappointment but sympathy. Despite what came out of her mouth next.

“So, you planning on telling me what happened last night? You got home late and I could hear you barfin’ in the bathroom.” An eyebrow raised as she stared at him.

Justin swallowed the lump in his throat before drinking down the pills. “Debs I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why? Because you know I was right saying you shouldn't go? Sunshine, I know you love him, but whether he loves you or not.. It doesn't matter. He’s not going to change.” Her voice lowered, into a more serious and gentle tone. “Eat your breakfast, I’m going to get ready and I expect you at the diner no later than me. Okay?”

“I’ll be there. Don’t worry.”

* * *

Working at the diner wasn't entirely bad, the beginning of the morning wasn't as busy; probably because of everyone on the Avenue sleeping off their hangovers. But when it got later in the day, turning into the afternoon shift, Justin and Debbie had more work to do when it came to taking orders and handing out food. But that didn't mean Justin wouldn't spend just a little extra time at the breakfast bar where Brian sat, now accompanied by Mel, Linz, and Gus. As much as he wanted to trade words with Brian he couldn't help but pay more attention to Gus. The little guy was growing more and more each time Justin saw him.

Despite the awkward situation, considering Brian was only a couple seats away, Justin managed to share a look with him. A look that almost said, _I miss this_. Of course he always knew he would be able to see Gus, knowing how he had gotten so close to Lindsay. But that didn't mean things wouldn't change. If he were to stop seeing Brian altogether he’d end up seeing less and less of them. But maybe that was his own thoughts getting to him. Yet when Brian gave a look, raised eyebrow and teasing look to his face, Justin couldn't help but feel his heart squeeze. Now was not the time to be weak, he wasn't going to let Brian Kinney get to him like all the times before especially-

“Sunshine, mind if we talk outside a bit?”

Oh. Justin looked at Brian with furrowed eyebrows before he looked towards Debbie, who was carrying a tray over to a booth. “Debs, I’m going on break!” **  
**

“Break? Alright but ten minutes, and if you come back any later I’ll be serving your balls on a platter, capiche?”

Justin smiled to Lindsay and Melanie, kissing each of their cheeks before following Brian out the door. They seemed to walk a bit down the sidewalk before Brian stopped and turned around. He must not have wanted to be in window view.. Which was odd to Justin.

“Brian, what do you want?” Justin asked, reaching into his pocket to pull out a cigarette and light it.

Brian watched the blond, eyes following his movements before he turned his gaze to the side of the building. “Wanted to talk.” He seemed rather calm, neutral like usual. Even after all this time Justin had trouble deciphering how Brian really felt inside though. Obviously.

“About? Brian, I can’t be out long.. Just get on with it.” He spoke before taking a drag from his cigarette and let out the smoke through thinly parted lips. Part of him was hopeful, almost thinking that Brian was going to admit something. _Say_ anything. But the more he stood there, smoking his cigarette, the more Brian was quiet. Quiet as he pondered really what he was going to say.

With a small laugh, he shook his head, “Never mind. I've got to get back to work.” So with that rather awkward exchange Brian handed a twenty to Justin. “For the food.” And turned around to begin walking away.

But as if Justin was going to let him get away this time. As he held the the twenty dollar bill he was quick to walk after him, a quick, “Wait!” Coming from his mouth to stop the other. “Jesus, Brian, what the hell was that? Never took you as the one who didn't finish what he started..”

Brian rubbed at his forehead before turning to face Justin with a frown. “You know I care about you. And you know what, I miss you. I’m not declaring my love to you, but not having you there with me. Not.. Living with me. Not being in whatever type of relationship we were in, it made me realize a few things.” His frown faded as he looked away from the blond and scoffed. “See what you fucking do to me? God, you are such a twat..”

All Justin could do was begin to smile, dropping the cigarette to the concrete and stepping on it before slowly walking closer to the brunet. “I know you care.. I've always known you cared. But what did _you_ realize? From where I stood and _stand_ you were perfectly fine with ending things. So, why the change of heart? Do you actually miss me or just my ass?” Justin wanted to be happy, he wanted to be excited and throw himself back into Brian’s arms but at the same time he was conflicted. Not sure if he should go along with this and hope for the best or cut the ties permanently and move on. But after everything, Justin knew already he was going to easily melt to what Brian would say. Which, he supposed, wasn't healthy in the slightest that Brian had that much power over him.

“Well if you must ask.” Brian said in a rather sarcastic tone before he looked at Justin and raised his eyebrows. “No, it’s. It’s different. I’m not going to get all mushy feelings and shit with you, but. If you want to try some type of commitment bullshit then,” He sighed, actually shaking his head. “Why the fuck not? I’m sure somewhere in my mind I’ve always wanted to be a lesbian for a day.”

“I can’t believe this..” Justin seemed shocked, but pleased with the type of confession Brian made. Despite it being shotty at some points, Justin got at least some type of admission from him. And that was all he could ask for at the moment. “You’re such a dick. For not saying anything.”

“You can thank me later, _honey_. Pack your shit and come back to the loft when you’re done with work. I’m sure I’ll be hearing a call from Debbie once you do.” It was only natural for her to nag his ear off when it involved their Sunshine.  

“Got it..” Justin only smiled as he turned to quickly go back inside Liberty Ave. Leaving Brian there to stand with his thoughts.

A heavy sigh coming from him as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He could handle this, he knew he could. At least he _hoped_ he could. He didn’t say they were boyfriends, but. It was close enough, wasn’t it? Brian wanted him back yes, but he didn’t want things to change. Yet now, because of his confession, things _had_ changed. Maybe he wouldn’t regret it, maybe things would be better this way.

Only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review like always!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a review telling me what you think! And if you want me to continue this maybe?


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